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I don't like people judging me and I tend to find that once in a conversation with people, they tend to cut me off and start their own stories. At which point I just shut up and go along with it.
Now this post is not a feel sorry for me post I have anxiety. So please don't take this as I'm looking for sympathy. I know my issues and I know what I need to work through. This is me just giving you background so I can get to the point of this rambling post.
Holly has her first nursery trip in a week’s time and every kid that goes needs to have an adult with them. Automatically I start sweating. What? You mean I need to go with her and either stand on my own as she runs off to play, or actually talk to other parents?! From 9am till 3pm!!! Oh jeez!!
So I asked my OH to go. He didn't need to take a holiday since he works back shift, he could go in late and we could swap at 3pm. But to start with someone else was off at his work, so he couldn't get it.
I wouldn't have her not going on her nursery trip. So I put in a holiday at my work but wasn't sure I'd get it, as this week I already have a day and a half off as I have different appointments to go to surgeon, midwife, dentist, vets etc...
Anyway I got it but I was still super uneasy about it and I think he could tell.
So he came in last night and told me he had managed to get it off to take her. Now my fist reaction was a flush of relief!! An I thanked him for being able to do it for me. Telling myself well he hardly ever takes holidays to look after her like during the summer (that's a whole other post). But I slept on it over night. An now I have super guilt.
I have super guilt for a few reasons.
The fact I felt so uneasy and worried about taking her out with others on her first nursery trip. Surly that's something a mother should do and be happy to do. Then there's the fact he had to bargain and do god knows what to be able to get the days off.
Then there's the fact this week she has her first sports day that once again, I can't attend. I have the half day Tuesday, full day Wednesday off and her sports day is 11 till 3 on the Thursday. So my OH is going in late that day so he can go watch her. I don't want her being the only kid there with no one to cheer her on!! But surly I should be there for that as well. To see her first sports day, to cheer her on and get photos of her with her medal.
Half of me thinks well you work back shift and I work dayshift. So you should be doing stuff that needs done during the day. Specially if it means you can just go in a few hours late to me having to take a full day’s holiday. But then I think I'm her mum; I should be there for all this!!
The sports day has nothing to do with the anxiety. Just life planning and because of having to work!!
Have any of you had these issues??
Let me know in the comments below :)