Tuesday, 1 July 2014

Working Mummy Pros and Cons

I was very conflicted about going back to work after I had Holly. I didn't stay off my full 9 months. I went back to work when Holly was only 4 months old. 

The reason I went back so early was simple, we needed the money. It was impossible to live off of one wage and £135 a week. Marks wage barely covered all the bills then £135 a week to buy baby stuff, food stuff and to still pay off some of the bill, it just wasn't working. 

I do absolutely regret going back when she was so young. I missed a lot of Holly growing up. 

To begin with I had to leave for work at 6am and I wasn't getting back till 5pm at night, and that was only if there was no traffic!! 

That's all changed now. I work from 7am till 3pm. But to start with, just leaving your new baby for that long. It was hard. 

Here are my cons. 
1. I didn't see her sit up for the first time
2. I didint see her speak for the first time
3. She had separation issues from Mark and the worst one of all!! Dawn the child minded. 
4. Holly sometimes would be strange with me at night. 

The separation issue with Dawn was the worst thing ever. Don't get me wrong, Dawn is lovely. But all I was think was she is my baby!! Why doesn't she like me!! Those first 5 months of working 6-5 was horrible, and I can totally understand how parents get depressed and can get postnatal depression at this point. 

Here are my pros. 
1. We needed the money
2. I wanted to be able to provide for Holly myself, instead of having to relay on my mum and dad to sort me out. 
3. I wanted Holly to have everything she wanted. 

To be honest once I was working again, I was able to do all of the above. I see all these other mums that can just stop working to be able to look after their children, and my heart is ripped in two. Ita nearly one year later and I do still have a lot of guilt about not being able to be with her. But at the same time, I have to work to be able to provide!

It's a catch 22. I can't win unless I win the lottery. So if any of you time travel, do you mind bringing me some winning numbers back??!

When did all of you go back to work and did you feel any guilt?? 

Speak soon lovelies 
L x

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